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365 Portraits

365.6
006.
Taken on July 18, 2009. Trying on some silly hats at the Butter Factory in Bellingen.
Shortly after this my good day went a bit pear shaped. Bellingen, as it turned out, was having a big market festival; which is something that normally I love to spend time at. But for some reason, all the people and the stress of trying to find a parking spot within a very narrow town and the sheer crush of people triggered what I can only describe as a panic attack. I turned heel and hopped right back into the car and I drove home.
I spent the rest of the day feeling very angry and upset with myself for that.. what, loss of control? It turned out to be a very rough night which lead too:


365.7
007.
Taken on July 19, 2009 in the wee hours of the morn. I couldn't sleep that night for crying.
I keep hearing the "you can't define yourself by depression." which is fair enough, I don't -want- to. But not paying attention to this clearly isn't helping me either.
It's far too easy for me to "pretend that this isn't a part of me" and try and hide it from the world. This is a hard photograph to take and to share (especially this public!), I'm still learning to find that balance between how much attention and public honesty I should put forward in regards to my depression.
The day turned out to be much better though, I ended up having a quiet day visiting my grandparents. It was the positive, social, out-of-the-house experience I had hoped the Bellingen visit would have been. I'm learning that familiar companionship is a good place to start. I should spend more time with my grandparents.

365.8
008.
Taken July 20, 2009. Taking a break from cleaning the house. Having a cup of tea and a sandwich, soaking up some sunshine.
Doing a lot of thinking.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
starbiter
Jul. 20th, 2009 10:00 am (UTC)
*hugs* :)
kanawinkie
Jul. 21st, 2009 05:40 am (UTC)
*HUGS!*
Thanks gorgeous!
weeona
Jul. 20th, 2009 05:47 pm (UTC)
:(
I wish I could give you the biggest, squishiest, longest bearhug Kanakitty.

<3 you so much.
kanawinkie
Jul. 21st, 2009 05:41 am (UTC)
Re: :(
Daww, thank you beautiful!
love you tooooo!
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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