Kanawinkie (kanawinkie) wrote,

365 Portraits

Taken on July 18, 2009. Trying on some silly hats at the Butter Factory in Bellingen.
Shortly after this my good day went a bit pear shaped. Bellingen, as it turned out, was having a big market festival; which is something that normally I love to spend time at. But for some reason, all the people and the stress of trying to find a parking spot within a very narrow town and the sheer crush of people triggered what I can only describe as a panic attack. I turned heel and hopped right back into the car and I drove home.
I spent the rest of the day feeling very angry and upset with myself for that.. what, loss of control? It turned out to be a very rough night which lead too:

Taken on July 19, 2009 in the wee hours of the morn. I couldn't sleep that night for crying.
I keep hearing the "you can't define yourself by depression." which is fair enough, I don't -want- to. But not paying attention to this clearly isn't helping me either.
It's far too easy for me to "pretend that this isn't a part of me" and try and hide it from the world. This is a hard photograph to take and to share (especially this public!), I'm still learning to find that balance between how much attention and public honesty I should put forward in regards to my depression.
The day turned out to be much better though, I ended up having a quiet day visiting my grandparents. It was the positive, social, out-of-the-house experience I had hoped the Bellingen visit would have been. I'm learning that familiar companionship is a good place to start. I should spend more time with my grandparents.

Taken July 20, 2009. Taking a break from cleaning the house. Having a cup of tea and a sandwich, soaking up some sunshine.
Doing a lot of thinking.

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