Kanawinkie (kanawinkie) wrote,
Kanawinkie
kanawinkie

365 Portraits

365.6
006.
Taken on July 18, 2009. Trying on some silly hats at the Butter Factory in Bellingen.
Shortly after this my good day went a bit pear shaped. Bellingen, as it turned out, was having a big market festival; which is something that normally I love to spend time at. But for some reason, all the people and the stress of trying to find a parking spot within a very narrow town and the sheer crush of people triggered what I can only describe as a panic attack. I turned heel and hopped right back into the car and I drove home.
I spent the rest of the day feeling very angry and upset with myself for that.. what, loss of control? It turned out to be a very rough night which lead too:


365.7
007.
Taken on July 19, 2009 in the wee hours of the morn. I couldn't sleep that night for crying.
I keep hearing the "you can't define yourself by depression." which is fair enough, I don't -want- to. But not paying attention to this clearly isn't helping me either.
It's far too easy for me to "pretend that this isn't a part of me" and try and hide it from the world. This is a hard photograph to take and to share (especially this public!), I'm still learning to find that balance between how much attention and public honesty I should put forward in regards to my depression.
The day turned out to be much better though, I ended up having a quiet day visiting my grandparents. It was the positive, social, out-of-the-house experience I had hoped the Bellingen visit would have been. I'm learning that familiar companionship is a good place to start. I should spend more time with my grandparents.

365.8
008.
Taken July 20, 2009. Taking a break from cleaning the house. Having a cup of tea and a sandwich, soaking up some sunshine.
Doing a lot of thinking.
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